Aggravated

Published 24/06/2012 by Lily Crussell

I’m in a foul mood today. I can’t concentrate on my writing, I have no inspiration and I can’t stop eating. Thoroughly fed up in general to be honest. The medication I take for anxiety and depression are causing me to put on a lot of weight (More than a stone) and ar increasing my appetite so that I am ALWAYS hungry. To add to the fun, they’re not kicking the depression, so not only am I now feeling fat, disgusting and hungry, but I’m also utterly depressed as well.

The biggest misconception of depression is that it’s feeling sad. It’s not. It’s feeling hopeless and not caring about anything. Been threatened with losing your job? You don’t care! Someone pointing a gun at your head? You don’t care! It’s an awful feeling as you don’t want to do anything. And if you do manage to start something, you never finish it. I can’t sit still for more than five minutes at a time. My tiny room is a mess because I keep starting things, but can’t make myself finish them. Feeling completely despondent because I can’t even write! I can’t go for a walk as I have shin splints and am just generally really fed up. Sorry for the downer post, but a lot of people are asking when this book, or that book will be coming out, but I can’t even think beyond today at the moment. I don’t want to try and work on things in this mood as it won’t end well for anyone;

‘Then a huge bomb went off and everyone died! The End’ Style scenarios will be making a lot of appearances!

To anyone out there suffering from depression, you have my complete and utter understanding and sympathy. To anyone living with someone suffering from it, you also have my sympathy. We’re not easy to live with. I’m just hoping my Dr will sort my meds out and I will start feeling like a human being again some time soon (I have a week off from work and was intending to get a LOT of writing done)

On the plus side, I have gone into bookmark overdrive. On the negative, I don’t have much money to send them out lol. How annoying.

Sorry about the TMI post, I just don’t want you all thinking I’ve forgotten about you. I also feel that mental illness isn’t something that should be hidden away, denied or ignored. It’s just as life threatening as Cancer, sometimes even more so, but people feel the need to be ashamed of it. I can’t help having depression anymore than people can help being in a wheelchair. It’s just one of those things.

Hopefully I’ll find the light at the end of the tunnel soon as I’m really starting to annoy myself.

Love and Hugs

Lily x

 

Here’s a kitteh to make us all smile! And David Tennant, just because.

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5 comments on “Aggravated

  • Beautiful. I’m so thankful we live in a time when depression is taken seriously (and not the insane asylum type of ‘seriously’). Sometimes all you can do is hold your pain gently in your hands. Thank you for your honesty and sending you wishes for renewal!

  • Oh Lily, sorry things aren’t going very well for you. So happy that you’re not shying away from the mental health issues though, as it’s definitely something that needs to be talked about more IMO. How long have you been taking your medication for? I know mine took a month to actually have some sort of POSITIVE effect and even then I also needed it doubled – I hope your doctor manages to sort something out for you! In the mean time, I’m always here if you want to chat! (@SOOTP on Twitter)

    Steph @ Stepping Out of the Page

    • I’ve been on it a few months, then doubled it, now had it halved again as it’s being a nightmare! I think they’re running out of meds to give me. I’ve had Citalopram, Sertraline, Prozac and am now on Mirtazipine. It’s a case of ‘chuck a load of pills at her and see what sticks!’ x

  • I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so down. I’ve been a long-time sufferer myself. Getting the right meds can be a serious headache. Especially since the wrong ones can just make it way worse. Hopefully you’ll find an effective one soon. I have yet to find one that makes everything all better, but the right one can at least dull the edge a bit. I would rather you get YOU in order. Books can wait until you feel more human. ❤

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